Article Excerpt
“She’s beautiful,” you think, as you scan her curves. You imagine how she’ll make you feel – how the two of you will sync perfectly, how you’ll learn every nook and cranny of her being. And just when you start to feel comfortable with her, she pitches you into a black void of heartbreak and despair.
I’m talking, of course, about Rainbow Road. The quintessential Mario Kart level, featured in every iteration of the franchise since its launch in 1992, has long been the subject of one of the most intense love/hate relationships in the world of video games. Gamers can’t get enough of Rainbow Road’s gorgeous looks and challenging layout, but she’s proven thousands of times to be a cruel mistress. Put simply, Rainbow Road is an eater of hearts.
I’ve been a Mario Kart fan since the days of the Super Nintendo, but I didn’t really come into my own as a racer until Mario Kart 64. I knew every inch of every track in that game, every shortcut. However, Rainbow Road perfection proved elusive. No matter how hard I practiced or how well the first couple of laps went, it always seemed like Rainbow Road was unwilling to allow me to succeed. What I didn’t know at the time, of course, is that Rainbow Road isn’t a racetrack at all – it’s a relationship simulator.
Every relationship, and every race on Rainbow Road, starts in exactly the same way. You sit at the starting line, hypnotized by the beauty that lies in front of you. You think about how amazing things are going to go this time, and carefully run through the mistakes you’ve made on the previous runs so you know to avoid them. “I’m ready,” you tell yourself, and then you hit the track, wheels blazing. Sometimes, you even snag the starting boost.
You can read the post in its entirety by clicking this link: Women Are My Rainbow Road
